In this podcast, we will talk about showing affection and hugging students with disabilities.
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Hugging Students with Disabilities
Rayann asks: “If an autistic child runs to me and hugs me, should I return the hug?”
Hugging In General
Okay, I’m not going to lie. This question made me laugh a little because it’s just so cute, #love!
But what I hear you asking is if it’s okay to show affection to your students, specifically hugging students with disabilities (not that it is different than any other student, but it is). I want to talk about this in a couple of different ways.
First, I am sure that when the student is coming to hug you it seems like an awww situation. But what is cute at 6 or at 12, or even at 16 is not cute at 40 or 50 years old. And the truth is, the social skills that we reinforce now sometimes follow our students into adulthood. And they have a very different reaction then. So I want you to ask yourself if this person did this behavior at 50, how would I react? Would it be appropriate? And if you recoil a little or second-guess it, then there is a good chance it is probably not okay.
Why all the Hugs?
The second thing to think about is why the student is hugging you. I worked with a student some time back that had the uncanny ability to get people to hug him. He was a student in a wheelchair, and completely nonverbal except for some unintelligible grunts. And even without the ability to call people over to him, he was able to get people (and I’m talking strangers, friends, teachers, men, women… Anyone) to hug him.
He would hold open his arms, make a face, and it was just a face you could not resist! People would hug him. And this included strangers when we were out in public settings. Again, it may have been cute when he was 17, but at 40 will this still be endearing?
And he was doing this for a greater purpose. Without being able to communicate with people, he was a little bit starved for social attention and he got it another way. It became my duty to give him a more robust communication system, which we achieved using a core board and some very intensive training. That may be your case as well. Is the student hugging you when they are really needing another way to communicate?
What are the Optics?
So lastly, and I’m not sure what grade you teach, but I’ve seen it happen specifically in secondary. Sometimes students presume a certain level of relationship when they are able to hug and touch people of the opposite sex. Suddenly a student is talking about how they are dating you and they hug and touch you all the time. That can start to seem a little inappropriate.
I guess, to pull this all to come together, if you would not hug a non-disabled peer or the same student at 50, then skip the hug and find another way to show and express your affection for them. Maybe that would be high fives, happy notes, or maybe some fun academic activities! Just another way to show you care without reinforcing what is ultimately and inappropriate social skill. Then, as always, be working on reliable communication system as well as social skills with your students so they have what they need to be successful and independent as they get older.
I hope that answers your question, and thank you so much for asking it!
Referenced in the Podcast:
Using Social Stories with a FREE Template for writing your own and Social Stories in Self Contained Classrooms.
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